Having a bond with your horse...

Is having a bond with your horse important to you?

When going down the path to horse ownership many of us may have an expectation that, at some point, there will be a certain level of bonding. Being completely up front with you, I would have to say that in my experience this could happen at any given point in your journey with your horse, but that it greatly depends on what you do with it. In some cases, however, it won’t happen at all. It is a sad, frustrating, and disappointing side of horse ownership. It’s not really talked about much, especially since it is one of the reasons people will have for selling their horse.

I will not judge someone for selling or re-homing their horse. There are many reasons that may put someone in a position to have to do so. There isn’t always a way to know when things can go south in someone’s life, or take a bad turn in any aspect. For the sake of this specific topic, let’s focus on the ‘bonding’ aspect of horse ownership. Let’s also focus on the type of horse owners that can realistically only maintain one horse. It is a reason (not typically the ONLY reason) for someone to let go of their horse, with the hope that it may go to someone who will find that bond with it. I’m sure there are also people out there who wouldn’t be bothered by a lack of a bond, so long as the horse did what they hoped it would. To this, I say; To each their own.

There is a lot more to taking on a new horse than most people would think. Unless you are a seasoned horse person, I’d bet money you’d be surprised just how much could go wrong. There are a lot of shady, dishonest horse sellers out there. Like people, horses have personalities of their own, and not all human and horse personalities are meant to go together. Taking on a horse that you spend time getting to know, putting your time, and hopes into, does not guarantee the desired results. 

I’m not talking about circumstances involving ignorance, or selfishness.

I’m talking about someone who takes on a horse, knows all of the risks, and works on building that bond for years only to never feel it click into place. Knowing, as they put in this time, that someone else out there is meant to have this horse. It can be heartbreaking. The horse is a good horse. The person is a good person. They just don’t fit each other. I’ve had this happen to me, a couple of times. My very first horse, in fact. I loved her. Something just didn’t ever seem to fit, though. One day I watched a very good friend of mine riding her, and it was like I could just see this magic happening between them. The magic that I realized, right then, wasn’t happening between me and my horse. I ended up offering my first horse to my friend, and they have been together ever since. I did not feel guilty, or ashamed during that circumstance. I was actually very happy for my friend, and the horse! I did feel sad, for a while, but I had some hope that I’d find that magic with my next horse. Long story, cut very short, I didn’t.

A trainer I worked with once upon a time, told me that it takes 3 years for a horse and its rider to feel at home with one another (in a riding situation). In my own experience that’s pretty accurate. A lot of that will depend on how much you ride, and how much time you spend with your horse. At a certain point, when you get on your horse, it just feels like home. The most comfortable, secure, sense of the word. You know when they're going to move, or when they will stand still for you. You know just how to cue them to get them in a specific position, and you know they'll do it, without fail. Sometimes, you don't even have to cue them, they just know the routine, and they do it automatically. They know you, and how you're going to move. It's almost like they can feel your intentions, and they will react to that alone. That point, in your bonding, is so sweet. It's the point where you finally feel like a true team.

Not all of your time with your horse should be ‘get on and ride’ time. Grooming, groundwork, and just being mentally and emotionally present are all important with bonding. Knowing where their itchy spots are. Do they have a favorite treat? Not all horses like carrots or apples. Will your horse come up to you if you call them out in a pasture? You can bond with a horse a lot faster than 3 years if you’re paying attention to all of their needs, likes, dislikes, and showing them that you’re going to respect those things. Showing them you’re not there to make their fears worse, or to ignore their pain. That you are there to lead them through those things, that you'll protect them from the bad, and help them come out better.

My first ‘Horse of a lifetime’ was not the kind of horse I could catch easily. He may not have been bonded to me in that, ever popular, Disney princess sort of way, but I adored him. I chased him around the pasture until I could finally catch him and you could not tell me he was a bad horse. He was just him, he was mine, and I’m fully aware it was a one sided affection on my part. That horse was a wonderful teacher, and he helped mold me into the confident horse person I am now. May he rest in peace. 

The bonding journey I have been on with Charlie has been so different than any other horse I’ve had the privilege of caring for. From the first time I met her, to now, there has been a bond. It started as this little whisper, and has steadily grown. There have been good days, off days, and challenging days. For a long time catching her out in the pasture was a little irritating, though not difficult. She hasn’t ever run from me, but she never really walked to me. So if she was on the opposite end of the field, I’d have to walk all the way to her, then walk with her all the way back! Recently, though, that has shifted a little. When I go out into the pasture and call her name, she walks right up to me. I don’t take cookies with me when I go out. I haven’t ever really made a habit of that. I did, however, find out that she’s a really big fan of having her girth area scratched. She knows that I know, and will oblige if she comes to see me. She has a few itchy spots that she appreciates me giving ‘scrithcy-scratches’ to. 

I’m so very fortunate to have a bond with Charlie. I know what it feels like to not have that with your horse. There are many circumstances in the horse world where this article won’t apply. I didn’t want to focus on those because I’m not in a horse business. If I ran some kind of horse business the dynamic would be entirely different. I have the ability to care for and maintain one horse. I got lucky. Very lucky. It does not always happen that way, and those horse people who are like me, should not feel guilty if it’s just not working out. Horses are expensive. They require work to maintain. If you’re pouring in your blood, sweat, and tears (and money) then it should be for what you both, as a team, need it to be. 

Thank you so much for reading. God Bless you.

E.G.