Falling out of love with your pets, as a new mom.

Our son and both cats.

Like many women before me, I dug into learning all I could about what to expect when I found out I was pregnant. One aspect of being pregnant showed up quickly, and somewhat unexpectedly, for me. Being a cat owner. I've been a very proud and happy pet owner for most of my life, from when I was 10 to now. Being a very excited and grateful new mom of a beagle puppy at 10 years old was a dream come true for me. Of course, my parents handled all of my puppy's financial needs, but I raised her myself, otherwise. I cared for her and trained her. I spent every day with her. Since then, I've had a lot of pets that include dogs, cats, horses, rabbits, reptiles, etc. Before I got married, and started my little family, I was solely a cat owner. I worked full time and lived in an apartment with my two cats, Sally and Jasper. I'd had Sally since I found her outside another apartment I'd lived in a few years before. Jasper, I adopted from a shelter after I moved into the new place. Both cats have lived exclusively indoors since I got them. I know this itself is somewhat controversial with cat owners, but I'd lost a cat to the outside world's cruelty, and I do not want that tragedy repeated.

Years later, I got engaged and moved into a house with my fiancé, and 'our' two cats. I had rescued Charlie before we moved into the house as well, so she was also one of our 'together' fur kids. Soon after that we got a German Shepherd puppy and named her Ripley. We worked, set up our home, and enjoyed our little family of fur-babies. Right before we were due to be married I found out that all of my years of prayers had been answered, and we were finally pregnant! I was absolutely ecstatic and thought absolutely nothing about having all of our pets with us through this new journey. I'd known many women who have had pets and kids, in all sorts of situations. No big deal! Well, maybe not.

One of the first negative encounters I was slapped with were concerns about having cats while being pregnant. I had people telling me that I had to stop cleaning their litter boxes now that I was pregnant, because doing so was possibly harmful to the baby. Immediately concerned, I went online to look into this. This was when I had to do a bit of research on Toxoplasmosis. This is a parasitic infection that cats pass along in their feces, and it can harm a fetus. Now there were a few things that distinctly stood out to be non-worrisome in my circumstances. My cats were years old and indoor only. If they had ever had this infection, it had likely been and passed since they had not stepped foot outdoors in years. This particular parasitic infection is a once in a lifetime, thing. Once the cat recovers from it they don't get it again. I also don't do any gardening, which is the more typical way women tend to get this infection. Fruit and vegetable gardening in your yard (where neighborhood cats can tend to 'go') and not washing your hands or the vegetables properly can put you at a high risk. So can having cats that spend time outdoors and hunt wild vermin.

Here is an article which explains a little of this-

https://www.acog.org/womens-health/experts-and-stories/ask-acog/is-it-safe-to-keep-a-cat-during-pregnancy

So, I did not think that I would have to worry about my pets after this. No big deal! Hmmm...then again...

Reading pregnancy related articles did continue to happen, and one day I found one detailing how women would 'fall out of love' with their pets after having their baby. I remember reading one woman urging the new moms to hang in there, and stick with your pets, because you will fall back in love with them again in time. Of course, I'd been a pet owner for so many years. I thought that, surely, I would not go through such a thing. I never felt any negative emotions toward them through my pregnancy. I always enjoyed their company, and I was sure that we'd be just fine after the baby came. We already had everything planned and in place so that they would not be able to directly interfere with my son as he slept, and I have multiple vacuums in my house to make sure any floor space he uses is clean. I thought we had this all figured out, and there was no way I'd feel any different about them.

Oh, but I did. After my son was born, I remember clearly and steadily growing more and more irritated at having to deal with pet chores.

Being a new mom, not only that but a first-time new mom, is overwhelming to say the least. No matter how good of a caregiver you are to your pets before you have a baby, which is fabulous practice, it is not the same as caring for a newborn human baby. I am NOT saying this to be negative, as a matter of fact I will shout to the heavens with my whole chest that being a mom is the greatest blessing in the world, but there is nothing that can ever fully prepare you for that newborn stage. Each woman just has to experience it to understand how wild, amazing, complex and miraculous it is to be a mother.

None of the following includes my horse, Charlie. I never felt for one second that I didn't want her in my life. This is only in reference to our cats, and sometimes our dog. I still loved my pets, deep down, but I was so irritated by them. I simply did not want them anymore. I wished, every day, that I could allow my conscience to find them new homes. I didn't want the fur to be shed, the dirt to come in from the backyard (dog's paws), the litter to be tracked around my house. I didn't want to have to drag myself out of bed every morning just to feed them on time, or to maintain any of the rituals that pet ownership involved. I just wanted peace, and to survive the rigors of caring for my newborn son. Then to have some peace during his crawling stages, then his toddling stages.

During my son's toddler stage, we actually ended up taking on a third cat (A form of insanity, perhaps?). No, I did not just bring the kitten home! I discussed it with my husband, and we both agreed to keep him. He was a little black kitten that just showed up one day out on my parent's property. They already have cats of their own and they didn't want to take him on, and I have a particularly soft heart when it comes to black cats. There was some moments where we wondered if we'd made a huge mistake in doing so, but the little kitten was just irresistible! I plead momentary insanity...okay? Don't worry it all worked out in the end.

I spent my son's first two (nearly full) years, wishing I didn't have pets in my home. We never missed a day of caring for them. Their litter boxes were cleaned, they got their food, and they got anything they needed between the two of us. There was always this nagging in the back of my mind to just stick with it, and hope that one day I would go back to loving them and enjoying them again. I can't tell you just how much they bothered me, specifically, during those two years. I actually did ask a few people if they were interested in taking one of my cats. At the time I meant it, though I do believe my husband would never have allowed it.

Thankfully, just 2 weeks shy of my son's second birthday, I found myself feeling joy at the sight of my cats. I no longer feel irritation at maintaining their needs, and we enjoy our home dynamic with them once again. I never expected that I would ever go through something like this, and the only saving grace I had was that I happened on that one experience that another mom dared to share. Stick with it, you will fall back in love with your pets again. Having others around to help you during this time is really good and can ease some of the burden of pet care. I found that having a partner in all of this also lent to my ability to stick with them. In all of this experience, however, I can completely understand that in any other circumstance it would be imperative to re-home your pet(s). Navigating life as a brand-new mom is not easy. I find myself feeling very glad that I didn't give in to the momentary desire to re-home my own pets. I don't think that every new mom can do that, and I don't think anyone who finds that they can't handle it should be shamed, at all. I will only say this; Please just try. You decided to bring your pets home, and to be the one responsible for their lives. Try to stick with them. If you are struggling so much that you can't function, re-homing might be the best thing to do.

Thank you for reading and God bless you,

E. G.