First time mom things #2 - You won't understand, until you do...

Being a brand new mom is amazing, hands down, in my opinion. There are so many aspects to it that are wonderful, if you are the kind of woman who wants to be a mother. There are also aspects of it that are difficult, even if you're the kind of woman who wants to be a mother.

Growing up, being a good wife and a good mother was all I ever wanted out of life. The cards I was dealt had me wondering, once I hit my mid 30's, if I was ever going to get to be those things. I had all but given up on the notion for a while. Luckily, I found my husband before it was absolutely too late, and we embarked on the parenthood journey together. I finally got my lifelong wish of being a wife, and a mom. Not in the way I had always dreamed of, but I got there.

The things I noticed most, once I had my baby, was just how hard it could really be on you, physically. I had wanted to be a mom for so many years, that even in my sleep deprivation, and all of the aches and pains, it could not make me feel anything negative toward my baby. Not one time, since he was born, have I regretted him. Not once have I ever had a thought of not wanting to do it anymore. No crying, or fussing, or tantrum could ever cast a shadow over my joy of being his mom. My baby was never the problem that I wanted to solve.

Everything else was.

I can't just be a stay-at-home mom, and wife. I get to be a mom and wife, but I still have to work outside of my home on top of that. It makes things very hard for a mom, to have to be away from her baby. Most especially when it is your first baby, and also knowing that he's going to be your only baby. Unfortunately, circumstances dictate how we must survive in our lives, right?

I do what I have to do. I am so lucky, and I am not complaining about my life being hard. Everyone has hardships. In my view having children is a blessing. If I could have more I would, however I am an 'old mom'. I was 40 when I had my first, and only baby. I just don't feel like our circumstances will allow for any more, which is perfectly fine with me. I am extremely grateful that I got to have my son.

I've also been a caregiver my entire life. I'm the sort of person who has to have pets. Even if it's just one cat. Being responsible for another life is something I'm used to. This is one aspect of my own experience in becoming a mother, that I attributed to my ability to get through all of the hardest moments. I have rarely just been me, alone. I have nearly always belonged to external souls that needed me to care for them. I have always preferred that.

What I noticed are as follows. -

1. Your body will hurt, almost all of your body will be getting used to carrying, nursing (or attempting to and failing in my case), and stooping over your infant. Unless you are insanely fit before pregnancy, your body will be getting used to a lot of new movements at the same time as it is healing from your birth. In my personal experience, I didn't care about my pain. Taking care of him was what was important. Pain didn't seem to matter as much as it used to.

2. You will experience a whole new level of exhaustion. Waking every hour, two hours, three hours to feed/nurse, change diapers, and burp your infant. In my personal experience, even as tired as I was, I just loved my baby. Every time I got to pick him up, and hold him, it was amazing. Husband and I took turns overnight the first few weeks with feeding and changing our baby, and sometimes he'd have to insist because it was just automatic for me to get up if baby needed anything.

3. Without the constant help of someone else you know and trust, taking care of yourself could become a thing of the past. I was lucky enough to have my husband at home with me exclusively the first week, so that I was not alone and stuck being a whole mess just to survive this time frame. Single moms who get through this period are 100% superheroes!

4. This one might just be a 'some but not all' thing for the working moms, but anything that takes you away from your baby can become The Enemy! Work, for me, became an adversary in a sense. I happen to work for an amazing company that did end up working with me so that I can have some extra home time, but I am aware that many employers would not be so flexible.

5. Hormones are absolutely crazy. I have never been a cry baby. I am not the type of woman to be super emotional, and cry at every movie that has any sort of touching scene. At least that used to be the case. LOL! Now I will cry at the drop of a hat, and there's nothing I can do about it. Though it is annoying to have a super mushy-soft heart, for me, the depth of love I feel for my child keeps me from feeling any shame about it anymore.

6. I became even more protective, and cautious about so many things. I've always been protective of my fur babies, but my actual child took me several steps above where I used to be. I'm not perfect at it, but I do whatever I can to reduce any toxins from my home, from his food, or his clothing. Whatever I find that I can do to keep him safe, and as healthy as possible, I do it. If anyone does anything I don't feel is appropriate, I will confront them immediately about it. I do not have time to play games, or sugar coat things anymore. I'm fairly certain that I have hurt some feelings, and I do not feel good about it, but my child is just more important.

7. I don't think it is usually intended, but there may come a point in your early stages of motherhood where you'll feel very reduced. I do hope that you will have people around you that won't make you feel that way, but some may. "Are you breast feeding?" is a question that I never thought I'd end up hating so much. After I found myself unable to produce any milk, it became all I was for a while. After your baby is born, all the attention shifts to them. It's not about you, and how you're doing anymore. That is not abnormal, and I do not think it's a negative. It's how you grow. I don't think being treated in a reductive way is okay, and that is not what I am saying. There's a balance here that some new moms can miss. It's good to shift out of 'you' and selfishness, and let the focus be on your child. It does not mean you aren't important, in fact you are so much more important, and it's your child who makes you...more.

You can hear someone tell you how hard, or beautiful having a baby is a million times, but the cold hard truth of it is that no one will have the same experiences. It's always going to be a little different for every woman, and until you experience it yourself, you simply can not understand it. No pet, or circumstance other than actually becoming the mother of a real human child, is even close to being the same. For me, being a mother is the best gift I've ever been given. I would not have skipped this season of my life for anything in the world, hardships and all.

Thank you so much for reading, and may God bless you.

E.G.